Monday, September 06, 2004

Pleasant places to vomit on the Docklands Light Railway

One should never eat on a drunk stomach. While in itself sounding like the drunk screechings of a paralytic tramp, that is my main conclusion from Friday night. Drinking on a full stomach is considered advisable (only if drinking is going to occur, clearly compulsery drinking on a full stomach is not going to be the centrepiece of the government's next focus-on-health advertising campaign). However, eating-on-drink meerly provides the alcohol with ammunition. Not drinking four champagne cocktails within the space of sixty minutes would also be sensible advice, but is disqualified for being too obvious and therefore sounding all I-told-you-so.

Shirin - who looks, and occasionally acts, like a Bond villainess - tempts me out to a bar. A few cocktails later it seems like a good idea to meet her husband, despite the fact I had previously decided I did not like him. Alcohol filled me with false optimism: maybe he really was as handsome as she says (he wasn't); maybe he really was charming (nope); maybe he would fancy me (as if I made the effort). Oh dear ... I didn't go down very well. Luckily she was tactful enough not to ask my opinion this morning; the phrase "you've married your father" would have summed it all up too nicely and I can imagine it tripping wittily off my tongue.

Lewisham Not ideal, this is changing station for those who wish to choose between two branches and hence discreet vomiting is difficult, although not impossible. 2/5
Pudding Mill Lane Excellent, out of the way and often deserted with plenty of litter bits. If you're not going to be a mugging victim you can spend a few minutes spewing away. 5/5
Canary Wharf A definite no-no. You may even bump into someone you know. 0/5

I fear I may have doomed Matt to be moved on. My manager asked my opinion and I rather foolishly told the truth (Matt, bless him, struggles to be competent), although I did talk-up his valuable input as a motivational aid to myself.


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